Eternal Success Story in the Making

Play it Dirty:

Ahh yes brown-nosing, who hasn’t seen this in the workplace? Here is an excerpt from http://www.brown-noser.com/ on how to play it dirty.

“Better to have brown nosed and lost, than to have  never brown nosed at all.” 
St. Augustine

Here’s some of the areas that we’ll be covering. Don’t worry if you don’t get it all the first time through because you can always come back. But you’re really smart and I know you’ll absorb it like a sponge.

Here we go:

1. Brown Nosing Phrases and Compliments (this is what brown can do   for you!)
2. What You Need and Don’t Need To Succeed
3. Your Brown Nosing Check List

“Only three things are infinite: the universe, human stupidity and brownnosers and I’m not sure about the first two.”

                                                                             Al Einstein

Brown Nosing Phrases and Compliments

Brown Nosing is part art and part science. A little too much of this or that and you’re recognized for what you really are – a person trying to gain favor with an ‘Ass of Influence’ (or what we like to call the AOI). 

So with that in mind we have put together a “Hall Of Fame” list of time proven phrases that will move you up the ladder of success. Here they are in no particular order:

1. Wow! What a great idea!
2. It’s so surprising that no one has thought of that before.   
3. Have you been working out?
4. I would have guessed 20 years younger.
5. This place would really just fall apart without you.
6. We’re so lucky to have you here.
7. Oh, I agree wholeheartedly.
8. Really? That is such a great plan.

What You Need and Don’t Need To Succeed With Brown Nosing

What you need:

1. The capacity to modify your opinion on the spot if the ‘winds of change’ occur in the senior staff’s viewpoints.
2. The ability to compliment and make senior staff feel important on issues that are truly meaningless.
3. A gushy and emotional affirmative manner to be used to enforce any of the senior staff’s ideas.
4. The knowledge of senior staff’s coffee preferences- also know as ‘one lump or two?’.
5. The willingness to take the bus to work so you can to let senior staff use your car when theirs is in the shop.
6. The eagerness to “Drop A Dime” on your co-workers when it’s in your best interest.

 What you don’t need: 

1. A conscience.

Your Brown Nosing Check List

Here is your check list and some tips to get you started on your dazzling rise as the ‘cream of the brown nosing crop’.

• Orbit senior staff or any persons of influence at every given opportunity. You never know when a chance to jump in and pucker up will occur. 
• Brush up on your work avoidance techniques. These should include: running errands for anyone that can help your career or knows someone well that can put in a good word for you, talking about things you know nothing about, and using general ass kissing measures as required (see brown nosing phrases and compliments).
• Mimic the mannerisms and personalities of senior staff. This will help them recognize you as ‘one of them’ and will raise your standing in the natural brown nosing pecking order.
• Be a Chameleon and change your position in accordance with the senior staff’s whims. (A word of caution here. Never box yourself into a corner on any given position. Another change may be required almost immediately)
• Email this link to any known or potential brown nosing candidates. You may wish to team up as there is safety in numbers when your co-workers find out you did them wrong.

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Play it CleanThere is a fine line that distinguishes a brown-noser and a person who shows obedience and submissiveness to authority. Superiors may perceive a brown-noser to be an obedient and good subordinate while co-workers may perceive a person who is genuinely submissive to authority as a brown-noser. To each his own, I don’t care. The hard truth is that if you don’t get along with your boss then your life will be a living hell. You can beat those brown-nosers if you work hard AND if you treat your boss as a friend, as mentor, and as a human being.The difference between brown-nosing and being genuinely submissive to your boss is that the first one is “eyeservice” and the other one is “sincere”, doing it from the heart.

Do you consider it brown-nosing if you treat your friends or your parents nicely? I think not! Coz you are doing it from the heart. Why not treat your boss the same? Instead of complaining, why not obey first? Instead of spreading gossips about your boss, why not talk about the time he stood up for you? Or the time he commented on your good work. If you value your boss as a mentor rather than the enemy then surely he will consider you as an ally. Good things will surely come your way. Kindness begets kindness.

Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king. Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward. 1 Peter 2: 17-18

Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ; Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: Ephesians 6:5-7